October 17, 2005

performance anxiety

I'm scared.

OK?  I admitted it.  I'm scared.  In 11 hours and 37 minutes, I'll be sitting in a new employee orientation.  Then I'll meet with my boss, who I've spent a grand total of about 35 minutes with in my life.  Then I'll fill out some forms and shake some hands and make some small talk.

I suck at small talk.

But I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth, I'm going to attack this job.  It is going to be my bitch.  It's just the scary factor; that if I mess up, someone could actually die.  As in, cease to live.  Theoretically, there are layers and layers of checks everything has to go through, but if I mess something up and it hurts or kills someone, I'm not going to blame the three guys above me for not catching it.  I'm going to blame myself.  Because it will be my fault.  But that is neither here nor there, and it is what it is.

I went to that bastion of cookie-cutter individuality, Ikea, today.  I go once a year, twice max.  I was nesting... I realized that I'm going to be here for a while, so for the first time in the last year, I bought curtains.  Yes, downtown Montreal will no longer be subjected to nekkid me two or three times a day.  Sorry, stalkers.  So in my nesting flourish I have installed things, washed things, matched, and gotten excited over sheets.  I need to be cured.  I will later leave a pile of dirty laundry in the middle of the floor, just to make it feel like home again.  Terrorist Kitty of course, when my back was turned, nuzzled up on my nice new blue rug, leaving a pile of white cat hair.  Stupid cat.  Anyway, Ikea is brilliant.  I would love to see what would happen if you compared a normal Ikea to one with no arrows to point you through all the lovely little setups you can have, and none of those damn yellow bags.  If I hadn't taken the stupid yellow bag, I would be at least $80 richer.  But you grab a few $0.99 wine glasses and a new cutting board, then you see that thing you can stick in your closet to organize it and... shit.  It always happens.

Anyway, I have to finish cleaning up, as Roomie is coming home tomorrow, and likes things how she likes them.  I need to iron my shirt, move my car, and gather up some important papers.

Wish me luck.

No, really, wish me luck.

Posted by Mary at 02:40:09 | Permanent Link | Comments (6) |
Comments
1 - You do not suck. You are a swell person. I can tell by the way you write, and the great ideas you have. You even predicted this moment:

"Expect I'm-having-a-breakdown-why-did-I-take-this-job posts in the future."

See? Foresight proven. Over the next few days you will settle into the job and begin having your new life. It, too, will be swell. Then, you'll have a swell life to match your swell persona. You can't buy that at Ikea. (Comment this)

Written by: Sweet. at 2005/10/17 - 02:35:29
2 - No more nekkid you? Well, poo. (Comment this)

Written by: Mr. Brightside at 2005/10/17 - 04:35:04
3 - Good luck in the job. My sympathies to Montreal for you putting up curtains and blocking the view. It was one of the few remaining reasons to move there. (Comment this)

Written by: Neil at 2005/10/17 - 04:39:10
4 - I am one hundred and ten percent wishing you luck. Nothing sucks quite in the way the night before you start a new job sucks. You're all excited, and apprehensive, and scared, and excited, and, there is no sleep in the picture.

I have never been to Ikea.

I put pics on my blog from Flickr. Flickr's cool with the bandwidth sharing, and that way my blog pages load faster because the photos aren't stored on the blogger server, they're just linked. At least, I think that's how that works...

i'm curious as to what exactly you'll be doing at your new job (this people dying bit in particular) but I guess it is all secret now, huh? :)

Best of luck M. You kick so much ass that I have no doubt you will be KATN'in all up in the joint ASAP. :)

J (Comment this)

Written by: J. Star at 2005/10/17 - 04:42:34
5 - I've never been to Ikea, but I've heard stories. Thousands of pieces of functional and stylish furniture, yet none of it is original. O.O

The important thing to remember is that worrying will only make things worse. By the time you start working, you will have figured this out yourself and you'll be perfectly ready for the job. GOOD LUCK! (Comment this)

Written by: The Great Saphenous at 2005/10/17 - 05:38:19
6 - You will be awesome. I have no doubt. Once you get through those first day jitters, all will be well with your world. I'm looking forward to reading about how much you love it. BTW, I'm with J....curious about the new job... (Comment this)

Written by: E at 2005/10/18 - 02:20:01
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